I was told once that the mind is the greatest storyteller there is, and good storytellers always make the story feel real. The good ones make you feel as though you were there experiencing every moment with them. You know exactly what I'm talking about if you've ever had a flashback of a person or situation that hurt you, and all of sudden you're filled with rage, fear, or sadness. It's like the experience doubled itself, and for a moment it's as though you're right there in the center of the hurt all over again. The truth of the moment you're actually in escapes you, and the greatest narrator of them all goes off script from the present dragging you somewhere deep into the past or future. Just this morning I was struggling through a yoga practice with each moment of stillness, asana, inhale/exhale bombarded with mental stories as loud as echoes reverberating in an empty warehouse. "You're doing this wrong", "that doesn't look good", "you're never going to be this...", "you're never going to achieve that..", the list went on and on. I tried my best to bring my focus to my breathing allowing myself to settle into the present moment, and find that still, small voice that I've been told is the voice of reason. The same one that time and time again has eluded me with it's quietness.
I was always met with silence because there's no other voice in there but my own.
I AM that still, small voice I seek.
It's MY job to speak truth amongst the clattering of egoism, insecurities, & doubt. I'm the only voice of reason when misperceptions of the past or preconceived conclusions of the future repeat themselves. I'm the one that hears the stories repeated in my head, which means it's up to me to exercise my power to make a change to said stories. I learned today that it's not necessarily about no longer hearing the chronic storytelling, but rather allowing my focus to center else where. It's up to me to speak calmly, lovingly, and gently in moments such as those. That's the still, small voice I've been looking for. That's the still, small voice that allows me to move past moments of panic, anxiety, doubt, and insecurity. And sometimes that voice has to speak out loud to be heard. There's power in the sound of my own voice. Those words silent or aloud bring control to the stories running through my head, they bring love to the relationship I have with myself, and even further they show others the way in which I demand to be treated.
I constantly remind myself it takes time to unlearn and create new stories. It's harder to undo a habit than it is to create one so focus on creating new habits, new patterns of thinking. And even though sometimes the clattering will continue it becomes background noise to truth the more you speak. So no matter what the circumstance may be I always know I have the power to take a deep breath and repeat the words that bring me peace. It seems too easy to work, but I'm learning that it's the simplicity in life that truly means the most. Lessons learned are my favorite gifts, and I trust that in sharing them they'll gift another as deeply. Peace, light, & love to you all!
One love. Keep the faith.
^ Bc kittens are the best & I miss her being this small!